Dear God, please don’t let me piss myself.

Nothing says hydration than stuck in the pick-up lane all while your bladder is crying out.
During whole30, its recommended you drink plenty of water. I thought “Game on, bitch. I can drink 67.6 ounces per da... fuck I got to pee”…. Drinking water seems so easy – drink water, pee, and move on, but it’s not.
After having a water chugging battle with my daughter’s kindergarten teacher while being cheered on by her class “chug chug chug”(I ended up totally kicking her ass), I thought I’d be okay till I got home (8 minutes away).

******WAIT WAIT WAIT. Someone tell me how the hell do 5-6 year olds know about chugging?  I mean,  I know why mine does…******


My optimism almost made me piss my pants. My daughters were laughing so hard while I rocked the fucking car doing the potty dance in the driver seat. Needless to say they’re all grounded for 20 minutes. Drinking water has sort of helped the “Felicia Syndrome”, but I still feel lethargic and now I gotta pee more on top of that.

Doctors recommend you drink 8 glasses of water, others say ounces per pound…which is a lot of fucking water. I’m the type of person who thinks there is water in all the food you eat and there is some water intake.  I just couldn’t see myself drinking my weight in water, unless I can piss on trees like drunkards and dogs.
I don’t think Texas has come that far yet.


Moral of the story:
Drink a shit load of water, wear pampers.

Keep it thuggish, rugg….fuck I gotta pee

One thought on “Water.

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