Dear Grainfed cow, go fuck your mother.

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Wait, if it’s grassfed beef, does that mean the steak eats grass?

So this weekend has been a big ass experiment of grassfed and grainfed steaks of different sizes and cuts. It’s okay you can be jealous. I know I’d be crying like a little bitch.

So Friday evening, I got a little hair up my ass (#operationcavewoman) and decided to make a grassfed ribeye. > Meow < I've never been a ribeye gal – figured the shit was too marbled and tough for my liking, even cooked medium rare.

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Obviously, that shit was awesome cooked on medium heat on a flat top skillet for 3 minutes each side, and the tenderness was enough to make me lose my shit. It didn’t matter that the ribeye naturally has fatty chunks within it, because if yo ass doesn’t already know, grassfed beef has more of the good fat and provides more nutrients than a bald eagle’s egg or grainfed beef.

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Check that shit out! ↑↑↑ You’re not seeing things. Grassfed beef has less total fat than punk ass chicken. Which boggles my fucking brain. Why are we told beef is so bad?!
Grainfed beef is bad, but grassfed isn’t, bitches.

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That’s about all the info you need in makes a choice between the two, scientifically speaking anyways.

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So my jealous ass husband wanted steak and eggs the next morning, and being the awesome wife I am… I told him he can cook the shit. He’s awesome with the spices and keeping it 100% bullshit free. Well I fucked that shit up too… Nevermind the fact that it was strip steak, the fucker was on point.

Last night my husband wanted to see that bullshit ass fight and wanted to cook steak and shrimp on the pit. Being the fucking scientifical motha fucka I am I thought I’d try the $2.77/lb sirloin steak on sale. Which is by far my most favorite cut.

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The steak ended up probably being a bigger let down than the bitch ass fight. They were cooked just under medium rare – I mean the fuckers were still kicking on the plate. The taste was very good, and I mean tasty as fuck, but then again my husband is good about that. I swear he rubs the bitches on his balls for the flavoring.

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Needless to say the meat was tough as my callused feet after black Friday. I ate the shit, barely, but I had to slice it so thin. My husband, who thinks the grassfed thing is bullshit (motha fucka still eats my shit though), thought the grassfed was much more tender.

So that’s the run down of grassfed and grainfed beef. One costs more, the other requires more chewing and you shouldn’t consume it often, or your ass will be big as a cow with mad cow disease… and that’s not cool.

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Dear grassfed beef, get in mah belleh. Grainfed beef, go fuck your mother.

Keep it thuggish, ruggish, and toned,

Pamela Martha Focker

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