I slice bitches, and avocados.

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How do you slice your avocados so awesomely?  You’re such a bad-ass…

Ok so that’s not word for word but I’ve been asked about my cutting skills for a while. So here ya go:

You need an avocado, obviously dumbass, and make sure it’s just under ripe, it needs to be firm otherwise the shit will be mushy. You need a decent ass knife too, mine is old as shit but besides the rust stains it can still cut a bitch. Dear Wolfgang puck, I need a refund.

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●cut the avocado (pictured)
  □making sure you cut all the way through and all around.
●twist the avocado till you have two pieces (pictured)

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●Score the avocado skin (that means cut the black shit) into a cross section.
□ carefully hold the firm avocado without cutting yourself or the avocado flesh.

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●Peel the avocado skin off.
   □apply a small amount of pressure to get under that skin…don’t fuck it up..because your rings will look shitty.

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Peeling the skin is really the easiest part if your shit is firm enough then you’ll be alright, if not..then just stop now…make guacamole, cause you’re wasting your time.

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●slice the avocado into rings
□I mean seriously, do you want me to do it for you?  It’s so easy a caveman can do it *pun intended*

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●pitting the avocado is a bit tough, but once you get the hang of it, you can stop crying.

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●With a firm grip whack the seed with the knife.
□whack twice to make a cross on the head

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●Usually one whack is enough but if not two will do.
□twist the seed out.
●repeat previous steps

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With all that work, from start to finish you’re looking at 2-4 minutes on time.
They’re fun to make and look so cute on plates.

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Moral of the story”

Fruit loops deez nuts, avocado rings are my fruit loops, that doesn’t give me the shits

Keep it thuggish, ruggish and toned

Pamela Martha Focker

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One thought on “I slice bitches, and avocados.

  1. You’re an avocado wizard. I iz your apprentice.
    I guess. I dunno why I just said that. /awkwardness
    Thanks for the tutorial! I’ll reflect on it the next time I’m chopping my fingers off while trying to remove an avocado pit. 😀

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