Dear Focker….

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Dear Focker, I’m craving a hotdog….

That’s right, Hashtagpaleo has launched, and now’s the time to submit your questions I’ll answer 5 each Friday. I’ll choose them by the most asked question or the most appropriate, or if you make my tummy tickle. Which is a must, because I like that kind of stuff.

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Take it easy people, I can’t curse. I keep it PG-13 on there, which means I can only say the F-word (fuck) 3 times….still trying to figure out if that’s in each post, or sentence? 

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Time to revert to the 5 year old me, before I wrote this ↑↑↑↑

Censorship makes my balls vagina itch (insert This girl’s on fire), but I wanna answer the shit poop outta y’all’s questions.

Email me
Paleothuglife@gmail.com

Keep it thuggish, ruggish, and toned
PG-13,

Pamela Martha Focker

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Beyond Bacon…there is such a thing.

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I was honored to be given a review copy of this pork bible, seriously it’s like the living word of pork.
I’ve learned so many things, from the lard to biscuits! Yes Paleo biscuits!
It’s a amazaballs!

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So I decided to make the smoked ribs, the dry rub was superb!
Now I’m a semi-expert at smoking meat, my husband is the original caveman in the house, he can smoke a brisket in his sleep…or at least while I sleep.

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Just this dry rub alone I give this cookbook 5 stars. It’s hard getting a rub to brown without burning the ribs, they came out browned perfectly and super tender on the inside.

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Mama agreed.

The book is on pre-order for a discount price, date of release is July 2.
Buy the book here.

Check out Stacy and her family on their awesome journey to health on their site www.paleoparents.com.

Thanks again Stacy!♥♥♥

I plan on larding my ass off this week.
This should be fun

Keep it thuggish, ruggish and toned,
Pamela Martha Focker

Turning 18+11 never felt so good

 

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You only turn 18 once,but in my case at least 15 times.

Ugh,for some odd reason, and I’m sure I’m not the only mother fucker to believe this, but I hate my birthday. I’m not sure if it all started when my mom had my 6th birthday at McDonald’s, and Ronald smelled of day old liquor and dingle berries. Not to mention,the mother fucker scared the hell outta me with all that lipstick. Looking back maybe it was because I knew what the fuck was really going on in those cheeseburgers. The hamburgular could take my shit any day… I actually liked his ass.

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So that was my birthday dinner last year, sirloin steak cooked medium, with a loaded sweet potato and a side salad. I had about 2 pina colodas with that shit too. It’s amazing how I can look back at the mistakes I’ve made with my health and love who I am now. I have started to fight for myself and for a good life.

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 I miss the hell outta bread,seriously these rolls were served with my steak, and I literally use to ask my husband to order some and pick them up,just because I felt like eating the fuckers. There comes a time in your life when you can say, why the fuck do I want this shit so much?

Why do you drink coke so much?

Why do you eat bullshit?

Its addiction,and the worst part is that unlike other addictions, you need food to survive, but you don’t need bullshit like you think you need.

There is a difference between “wants” and “needs” and yo ass don’t need that shit

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I was kind of tough to please this year, according to my husband,who slept on the couch after saying that shit. I didn’t want just any steak,it had to be the premium ass shit,none of all crap that’s always on sale. I was actually lucky because my jar of ghee from www.omghee.com arrived. My birthday steak was one of the best,if not the best, steaks I’ve ever had. Although I was picky this year,I know that my life just seems more precious than all the years before. Which seems weird because you’d figure that as someone young you would figure out what you should and shouldnt do. I guess I just wanted to do what I wanted, I was a stupid ass, and because of it I suffered.

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Remember where you came from when your birthday comes around,don’t give up a day to return to your old ways. It’s really not worth it. Some people like cheat days,I try not to,in fact there was only one day I did. I had diarrhea for days,and it was green. Blue dye does that shit to me…

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Now just to wait for WWW.PALEOCUPBOARD.COM to send me this watermelon cake, then I’ll be set till I turn 30..which is less than a year now..

Doesnt that mean im entitled to a male stripper or something?

I mean who doesn’t like buttnakedness?

Keep it thuggish,ruggish and toned,

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

Pamela Martha Focker

Where in the fuck did we go wrong?

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I’ll have what the turd slinging primate is having please.

So it’s been a while since I’ve been on a trip to the Houston Zoo with all 3 of my “chirrrens”. I have to say that I couldn’t believe how blind of a life I was living before I turned to a Paleo lifestyle. Before I would get my kids ice cream and complete bullshit and now I realize that I was led to believe that eating this was acceptable because we were at the zoo.

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Then I see shit like this.

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Boxes and boxes of lettuce and kale all over the mother fucking place, but we are not the type of species to eat shit like this or what?

099No our diet and needs are ice cream…

092dipping dots, $2.59 water that tends to be free most of the time.

093Cokes,floats and bullshit drinks that’s toxic to the animals in the zoo but not for the ones visiting the zoo. Fuck logic right?

030 It’s a damn shame that you can see the animals at the zoo that should be on your plate. I know.. barbaric, but I can’t remember someone saying eating fish damages the world in some apocalyptic way and we’ll all die from it. Coke cans,ice cream wrappers,plastic bottles…hmm that actually does fuck shit up. The fish got lucky that day, my daughter was watching…

050If only these bananas would have been ready for picking. I would have snatched up a bundle while wandering in the monkey exhibit. At this point (3 hours in) I was already hungry looking at boxes of yummy shit,watching a fish tease me with its meaty goodness…the ice cream wasnt looking too bad at this point.. or the expensive ass water. I felt bad for my daughter who had to see all these junk bitch food around, she kept saying “Mommy,all that food makes you poop on yourself,right?”, which at that point I felt proud,she knew.

 

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Mommy why does all the animals eat food like you?

It was hard to try to explain corporate America to her.. and needless to say she was confused. I don’t expect her to know just yet why fuckers do the things they do when they know better,but at least I can say I taught her to question everything she eats or whats around her.

It’s just sad knowing that the animals we pay to see know better than we do. What does that say about us? Are we so consumed with complete bullshit and eat what is feed to us? Who are the animals here? We eat processed foods and consider it “okay”. I for one am sick of the fucking shit. Don’t leave the fucking box of kale around me, Houston Zoo, cause I’ll eat that shit. Don’t leave pallets full of watermelon, cause I’ll fuck em all up.  When are y’all assholes gonna realize what you’re doing to our already fucked up future?

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Luckily for y’all and the rest of the animals,I brought my own shit,does that mean I can now “feed the animals,since it is what you feed them? Or is it the food you feed others that you don’t want them to have,but okay to feed MY children? BITCH PLEASE!

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It’s just nice to know that the primates that play with their shit and obsessively fondle their peckers, get fed better than the dumbass who paid to see that.

Just so you know. We all are the dumbass. You’re welcome.

Keep it thuggish,ruggish,and toned,

Pamela Martha Focker

McDiet? More like McFullofshit!

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He must be dehydrated from diarrhea he’s had from eating azodicarbonamide, eating a big mac every other day.

So I came across an article from USA today, and this SHIT right here just straight pissed me the fuck off.
If America isn’t already trying to “fast-food” their asses off already, this mother fucker comes out with this shit.

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McDonald’s and diet don’t go hand in hand, not even the new “premium” Chicken wraps bullshit, because it’s obvious that green label is just a way to fool you into thinking it’s “healthy”.

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Now I didnt post that picture saying to eat a quarter pounder over a “premium” chicken club because in the end they BOTH have more calories than the Big Mac and all three contain bullshit.

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The one ingredient in all that shit that should make you shit yourself is: azodicarbonamide, a flammable chemical that is used in a shit ton of fast food breads (even your precious Subway, that bastard Jared is just like this Ceo mother fucker). For fuck sake, Singapore has some pretty severe penalties like up to 15 years in prison and $450,000 fine. So something is up, when is America going to catch up?
So then you might be thinking: “Well this bitch done fucked up my late night fast food run, I’ll ask for no bun then”.

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Look at all that fucking sugar and that hidden sugar shit too. What the fuck is vegetable protein?  Soy? Hmmm over 90% of America’s sources for soy are GMOs, and children we all know that’s gross as fuck.

So you might be thinking: “Fuck it, I’ll eat it and work it off the next day”.

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Well your best bet is to swim your ass off. I can’t swim for shit. I straight up wade in the water.
In the end it’s not about calories, it’s about the quality of your life.
You can’t expect a great quality of life eating additives and preservatives.

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I’d blend the fuck outta these fruits, granted it’s sugar, but it’s natural sugar.  None of that stupid ass corn syrup, or any -ose bullshit. 

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Is all the food available at McDonald’s bad? No. I think the lettuce seems safe.
If you’re not gonna worry about your health, McDonald’s sure as hell doesn’t give a fuck.

Moral of the story:

Don’t be a bitch, and buy McDonald’s bullshit.

.. oh and azodicarbonamide is found in yoga mats. NAMASTE MOTHA FUCKAS!!

Keep it thuggish ruggish and McDonald’s free

Pamela Martha Focker