Seriously. We Fucking Love Balls.

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Balls… Ha ha haaaa! Balls, balls, balls! Mwahahahaaaa!

Yeah, I’m fucking immature, but I don’t really give a shit. Balls make me giggle every time. And big, meaty balls make me laugh so hard I have to cross my legs so I don’t piss myself. I can’t even tell you how giddy I am knowing that you are going to want need my big, meaty balls in your mouth. And because I love you fitfucks my fitfam so, I’m gonna tell you how to get deez balls in your mouth.

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Seriously, this shit is easy to make, tastes good hot or cold, and is so fucking portable you’re gonna want to have one in your pocket at all times in case of emergency. (*disclaimer* Do not put wads of meat in your pocket. If you do carry wads of meat in your pocket all day, please don’t fucking email me about the stains on your damn clothes. I can’t help you. You can’t fix stupid.)

Ok. Boil a dozen eggs. Cool. Peel. Set aside. You’re a third of the way done, and it couldn’t get any damn easier.

Next, grab a big ass bowl and toss in the following:

  • 3 lbs ground meat (I used turkey because that shit was on sale.)
  • 2 Tbsp parsley, minced up
  • 3-4 cloves garlic, minced up
  • 1 tsp tarragon
  • 1/2 tsp nutmeg
  • salt and pepper

Mix that shit up and divide it up into 12 balls. Not easy enough for you? Lazy ass mu… May I suggest using your favorite spice blend – Ms. Dash, taco seasoning, Italian, some kick ass homemade family secret type shit?

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Now take a wad of meat in one hand and flatten it with the other. Nothing fancy. Just slap it up a bit until you have a little meat blanket. Put an egg in the middle and wrap it up in meaty goodness.

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You can stick your balls on a baking sheet and stick ’em in the oven as is… OR… you can give your balls a little crunch by dipping them in a bit of eggs and rolling them around in some almond flour… or crushed chicharones (That’s fried pork rinds for those that don’t know. And you should. Cause it’s good. You’re fucking welcome.)… or skip the egg dipping and wrap that mutha in some bacon. Mmmmmmmm… Or don’t. You don’t have to do what I tell you to do. I’m a tough bitch. You ain’t hurting my feelings.

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Alright, space yer balls – naked, covered, or wrapped – out on a baking sheet and pop into a 375 F oven for 25-30 minutes until just about done. Then turn the heat up to 400 F to give the outside a nice browning (about 5 minutes). Serve that shit up with sriracha or some spicy ass mustard. If you don’t eat them all up right away, stick some in a lunch box with some veggies and make your lunch buddies jealous of your massive, meaty balls.

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BALLS! Ha ha.

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3 thoughts on “Seriously. We Fucking Love Balls.

  1. While I found this a lot of fun to read and I can’t wait to slap together some balls… my roommate just shook her head in resignation as I told her I was having balls for lunch ALL WEEK LONG!

  2. Bahaha, I love me some balls too. I get creative with ’em in the kitch at *least* once a week. XD These might have to bounce their way onto my plate soon, mmm.

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