Whole90 and why I didn’t die.

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Whole90 day 1

90 days without my chocolate thunduh? #fuck

So it’s been 12 weeks since I’ve had any type of sweetness, besides fruit…I’m actually surprised I’ve gone this long without fucking up my Paleo granola.

I get a lot of ” damn, you’re fucking awesome for going 90 days” and “you are my hero for going this long”. Truth is, it’s really not that hard

We have it made up in our minds that we can’t live without our sugars and sweets, fuck even the Paleo approved shit.

I’m not going to lie, it was hard trying not to stuff my face of “Paleo” junk food. Slimming down dramatically (along side Crossfit) helped keep me in check, and remember my goal. The biggest thing to keep me from fucking up a mug cake or two, y’all mother fuckers.

Posting my shit on IG has been my savior, y’all keep me on my toes and hold me accountable. Which is good, otherwise I would of caved in by day 2, not really I’m thinking mid afternoon on day 1.

The weird part, I don’t want to stop my whole90 experience. Oddly, I just might continue on my journey. Haven’t figured it out just yet. Anything is possible.
The differences I’ve felt with Whole90 has been such an awesome experience that I want to see how much more it can change me. I went from “okay” type energy to enough to do my daily mother/blogger/crossfitter/wifely duties. 

If you’re thinking about doing the whole30/60/90 I recommend  the shit out of it. Need energy? Have autoimmune pain?  Need an extra kick to get you out that weight loss plateau?
Whole90 motha fuckas!

Whole30-for the regulars
Whole60-for the strong
Whole90-beast mode

Now excuse me while I get ready for the Wod.

Have questions?
Email me: Paleothuglife@Gmail.com Need recipes? Wait for the in progress     ebook.

Keep it thuggish, ruggish and toned,

Pamela Martha Focker

A chicken fried kick to the balls…

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I like my chicken fried, cold beer on a Friday night, a pair of jeans that fit just right….motha fucka!

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m in Texas, and was born and raised off fried fucking goodness.  Only difference now is I won’t die from it.
Being whole30/whole60 keeps me from doing many recipes as before, I used to crank the bitches out, but I can’t, because I get weak in the knees just thinking about my chocolate thunder (pronounced thun-duh).

But what-the-fuck-ever, I’m good.

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Ok so you’ll need:

●2 eggs
●1 cup of almond meal (I made my own)
●2 Tablespoons of organic coconut milk(from the can)
●8 oz (weight) of chicharrones (pork skins, without the meat attached) crushed.
●2 lbs or so of grassfed cubed beef steak ( grassfed is so much more tender)
●chipotle infused olive oil (or coconut oil, which can handle higher heats)
●Salt and pepper for taste

Ok, so you’re probably thinking ,”what the fuck, pork skins?” Well get over it, the flavors blend so well it’s like a drop kick to your face, so shut the fuck up.

□heat pan (preferably stick-less)to medium (with EVOO) or high (coconut oil) and coat pan with your choice of oil (EVOO, coconut)

□Mix the eggs, coconut milk, add a pinch of S&P whisk the shit

□Mix almond meal and crushed chicharrones

□pat steak to make sure it’s dry…salt and pepper dat hoe, but not too much because there is a ton of salt naturally in the chicharrones.

□dip meat in egg mixture, then coat with dry mix, making to that you shake off excessive “breading”

□CAREFULLY ADD MEAT TO THE PAN!!! Dont burn your bitch ass because you’re excited to get this in your mouth!

□depending on thickness of your steak you’re looking at 4 minutes per side.

□ place cooked steaks on a paper towel to drain off oil.

■ eat that shit

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Now broccoli rice/couscous/quinoa:

Broccoli tops in a processor, sauteed in chipotle infused olive oil, with fresh slices of radish.

That’s it! It’s really not that hard, tag my ass on IG if you attempt this dish, because I think you’re in for a mouth ass whooping.

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Moral of the story:

Mama, I know you can’t wait,
but bitch you crazy if you think you getting my steak.

Keep it thuggish, ruggish and toned
Pamela Martha Focker

I say the shit you won’t say.

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The movie Wall-e has reality to it.

Don’t bitch about what you can change!

When I seen the picture of these two (clearly obese) people ordering off their, what I assume is a Hover round, I was livid!
Am I completely fit? No. Do I still have a long way to go? Yes. Would you catch me in fast food lines? Fuck no.
I have come a long way, from being very sick with at least 3 things that were life threatening or required a shit ton of meds. For fuck sake, I was on chemotherapy medications! I found whole30/Paleo through my “snatch” doctor(I know fucking weird..who gives a shit…lol). He thought I was too young to be suffering so much and at my highest weight ever ( even through pregnancy) I realized: fuck this shit, I want better for my life and kids…I’m in complete control of me and I won’t be a mother fucking statistic.

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Do I judge people at the grocery store. Unfortunately yes. I hate thay about myself now. I see kids with parents who feed them over processed foods and call it nutritional. It’s so heart wrenching to believe that a change to the parents is a change to the future of humanity. If we continue with the “large is the new small” era, then we will all end up in scooters and wondering where did we go wrong.  If we don’t change the shit we do now, expect sickness in our children, expect daily medications, expect an early death, expect a horrible fucking life. My life was fucking horrible, I was in pain every day, I almost ended my marriage because I felt guilt of feeling helpless by my illnesses.

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Change doesn’t need to happen for a reason, or for a fucking season.  Change needs to start because your bitch ass is better than a double meat and cheese burger, because corporate America doesn’t need your money. Farms owned by familes need your money. McDonald’s doesn’t give a fuck if you get sick and die. You passed on your addictions to the next generation with false ideas of a “better breakfast” or bullshit toys in a box.
Get your mind right for our future and most importantly because you don’t want to be the one in a fast food lane ordering food on your scooter.

Moral of the story:

Bitch, put that punk ass burger down, and eat a grassfed ribeye. Corporate America hates it, but I love it. Fuck you McDonald’s!

Keep it thuggish, ruggish, and bullshit free,

Pamela Martha Focker

How I made whole30 my bitch

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Fuck you puffy taco, I’ll stick with my watermelon cup, bitch.

So it’s day 33 of my whole30, but I’m thinking I should call it whole60 because this mother fucker was easy.
I thought the hardest part was being on vacation with this shit. Seriously, I ate fruit cups, bunless burgers, chicharrons,turkey legs and bbq (sauce free) for 3 days straight.

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My moment of weakness came to possible turning point when I was at a booth for what seemed like my 20th fruit cup next to a brisket taco booth. My all time favorite taco was filled with brisket. With a slap to the tit, I sucked it up and ordered another bitch ass fruit cup.

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Do I miss waffles?  Fuck yes. Do I miss my chocolate thunder (pronounced thun-duh)? Shit yes! Do I miss the pain I started to get for no obvious reason? No. I pride myself in being a real bitch who pushes it to the limit. I like those “technically” Paleo things and eat the shit outta them. Once I started having a mini flare up I knew it was time for a reboot, I wasn’t ready to become my old bitch ass self.

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So telling the puffy taco lady to kiss my ass was warranted, because gangsters like myself don’t fuck around with my health. Unless its tequila. Which is a minor weakness, and I do mean minor. I don’t drink to begin with. I know, big shocker!  If I do, I don’t drink dos XX, I drink Patron, straight, or fresh grapefruit juice with Italian citrus soda…that shit is yummy!

Are you thinking about doing whole30 but you find yourself scared to?
Don’t be a bitch, it’s worth it. My pain went away and I’ve lost weight. Not sure how much, only because the scale is the devil, no seriously it is. Being whole30 isn’t as hard as you think…even on vacation.

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Best part of it all is that I’m in Texas, land of the best bbq ever! There is no debate to be made. Dry meat in smokers for hours? I’ll take all that shit please. Brisket, ribs, beef ribs…they thought I was crazy because I didn’t want the complimentary banana pudding for helping out the owner.  “Uhh no thanks,banana pudding is against my Paleo religion, boo!”

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Turkey legs galore in carnival town!!!!
When in doubt, eat turkey legs!
It’s difficult eating strict whole30 on vacation, especially with not knowing the ingredients of spices and such. Why worry yourself? Limiting yourself to the extreme on a vacation will just make you want to break your shit.
Just eat what you can recognize. Most restaurants have simple dishes like burgers, order dry bunless with the yummy extras on the side.

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Mexican restaurants usually have huevos rancheros which is over easy eggs with fresh salsa on top, with bacon and beans…I gave the beans to my husband. Barbacoa is also a staple, which is beef cheek meat (don’t be a bitch, it’s good as fuck). These simple menu choices can keep you compliant and away from a punk ass plate. Plate envy isn’t part of my nature, and being whole30 doesn’t make a difference.

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When everyone around you is chugging on beer and pina coladas check your hotel stash, they have awesome drinks and no boring ass water either, because your mouth needs a vacation from that shit from time to time.

All in all, whole30 was very rewarding and it didn’t ruin my vacation like I thought it would. Thank God I live in Texas, because I would of eaten pizza in a heart beat if I had been in New York. Good thing my kids wanted dominoes…

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Moral of the story:

You can allow a lifestyle change to fuck your shit up, or you can go with the flow while still keeping it whole30.

Keep it thuggish, ruggish and toned…even on vacation, bitches!,

Pamela Martha Focker

Vacation word count:7