Turning 18+11 never felt so good

 

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You only turn 18 once,but in my case at least 15 times.

Ugh,for some odd reason, and I’m sure I’m not the only mother fucker to believe this, but I hate my birthday. I’m not sure if it all started when my mom had my 6th birthday at McDonald’s, and Ronald smelled of day old liquor and dingle berries. Not to mention,the mother fucker scared the hell outta me with all that lipstick. Looking back maybe it was because I knew what the fuck was really going on in those cheeseburgers. The hamburgular could take my shit any day… I actually liked his ass.

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So that was my birthday dinner last year, sirloin steak cooked medium, with a loaded sweet potato and a side salad. I had about 2 pina colodas with that shit too. It’s amazing how I can look back at the mistakes I’ve made with my health and love who I am now. I have started to fight for myself and for a good life.

trh rolls

 I miss the hell outta bread,seriously these rolls were served with my steak, and I literally use to ask my husband to order some and pick them up,just because I felt like eating the fuckers. There comes a time in your life when you can say, why the fuck do I want this shit so much?

Why do you drink coke so much?

Why do you eat bullshit?

Its addiction,and the worst part is that unlike other addictions, you need food to survive, but you don’t need bullshit like you think you need.

There is a difference between “wants” and “needs” and yo ass don’t need that shit

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I was kind of tough to please this year, according to my husband,who slept on the couch after saying that shit. I didn’t want just any steak,it had to be the premium ass shit,none of all crap that’s always on sale. I was actually lucky because my jar of ghee from www.omghee.com arrived. My birthday steak was one of the best,if not the best, steaks I’ve ever had. Although I was picky this year,I know that my life just seems more precious than all the years before. Which seems weird because you’d figure that as someone young you would figure out what you should and shouldnt do. I guess I just wanted to do what I wanted, I was a stupid ass, and because of it I suffered.

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Remember where you came from when your birthday comes around,don’t give up a day to return to your old ways. It’s really not worth it. Some people like cheat days,I try not to,in fact there was only one day I did. I had diarrhea for days,and it was green. Blue dye does that shit to me…

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Now just to wait for WWW.PALEOCUPBOARD.COM to send me this watermelon cake, then I’ll be set till I turn 30..which is less than a year now..

Doesnt that mean im entitled to a male stripper or something?

I mean who doesn’t like buttnakedness?

Keep it thuggish,ruggish and toned,

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

Pamela Martha Focker

It’s pronounced “thun-duh”, bitch.

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Here comes the boom..

So finally I got enough time to type this bitch up, I mean seriously I had the mother fucker, written on my journal for weeks. I kind of found myself being greedy with the recipe, considering how fucking awesome it is.
Be forewarned, I had someone take a small bite and it rocked their world…no really the flax seed fucked him up for days.

Flax seed and coffee is the double punch to your balls, straight up. If you’re eating dirty, chances are that your underwear will be dirty after eating this.

Dear Charmin,
You might notice an increase in sales and a demand for your toilet paper. It’s not a coincidence, that I published my chocolate thunder recipe. Imma need my money, boo boo.

This cake is so moist and delicious that it could be the clean version of the infamous Laxative cake prank. The only difference is it won’t hurt them and they’ll feel better about themselves the day after. I had my victim (unbeknownst to me, till he nearly shitted himself) feeling fresh and clear headed the next few days.

So handle my shit with care and love, or you might gets shitted on.

On a less shittier note, I’d like to introduce my bitch, my guh, my thugginess… Janella aka JDawg, she’s known on IG as @Dekini_fit. She’s my long lost sister,and she’s helping me by not only helping get the website together but now as a contributor. She’s awesome, and not only can she flip off people, she can flip big ass tires… check her out and keep your eyes peeled for her awesome ass words of motivation and shit.
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Moral of the story:

Shit just got real when you eat the THUNDUH!

Keep it thuggish, ruggish, and motha fucking toned!

Pamela Martha Focker

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Chocolate Thunder Cake

Makes 8-10 servings

Supplies:

  • Spring form pan or 2 – 9 in rounds
  • Mixer or processor

Ingredients:

  • 2/3 Almond meal
  • 1/3 c flax meal
  • 3/4 c cocoa powder
  • 2/3 c finely shredded coconut
  • 1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice
  • 3/4 tsp baking soda
  • 1 Tbsp vanilla extract
  • 1 c brewed black coffee (I use NOLA crème Brule)
  • 1/2 c of maple syrup
  • 1/2 c melted coconut oil
  • 5 pitted date
  • 6 eggs

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Grease cake pans with coconut oil.

Mix all the dry ingredients thoroughly in a bowl. Add all the wet ingredients to the processor and blend that shit until the dates are completely broken down. If your mixer is small, do it in batches. Slowly add the wet to the dry ingredients, mixing until there are minimal lumps. Pour into your greased up pans.

Bake for 40-45 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.

#EatDatShit