Gallon Gang


aka The Pissin’ All The Time Crew

Guzzle up, Bitches! You know that soda is complete shit. (I just poured a can of cola down my shower drain to unclog it. Yumm!) But still… water is so damn… plain. You gave up crap, not your tastebuds. How the hell you gonna guzzle a gallon of water a day?!

Answer: Infuse dat shit! Pick your favorite fruit or berries, stuff them in you jar or water bottle, cover with water, and steep for at least 30 minutes in the fridge. Then sip away all day. You can even keep refilling your water over the same fruit for a day or so. Use your imaginations and add fresh herbs or green tea. You can even double down and keep your water cool with ice cubes stuffed with fruit. And it’s not just flavor you’re adding. Check out what some of this flavor enhancing shit is doing for you:

Lemon flushes out nasty shit from your body, aids weight loss, and balances the body’s pH.
Strawberry-kiwi aids in blood sugar regulation, digestion, and gives your immune system a mutha fucking jump start.
Cucumber-lime-lemon hydrates, helps get rid of bloating (ladies, you know when you need to be drinking this, right?), and helps with appetite control.
Mint-lime-green tea aids in fat burning, digestion, congestion and gets rid of… ahem… stank breath.

Bonus tip ‘cuz I care: Kegel, Kegel, Kegel! And cross your legs when you sneeze.




  • ginger – mango
  • cucumber – mint
  • melons
  • lemon – ginger
  • pineapple – mint
  • strawberry – kiwi
  • watermelon – mint
  • raspberry – lime
  • ginger – mint – lime
  • Water.


    Dear God, please don’t let me piss myself.

    Nothing says hydration than stuck in the pick-up lane all while your bladder is crying out.
    During whole30, its recommended you drink plenty of water. I thought “Game on, bitch. I can drink 67.6 ounces per da... fuck I got to pee”…. Drinking water seems so easy – drink water, pee, and move on, but it’s not.
    After having a water chugging battle with my daughter’s kindergarten teacher while being cheered on by her class “chug chug chug”(I ended up totally kicking her ass), I thought I’d be okay till I got home (8 minutes away).

    ******WAIT WAIT WAIT. Someone tell me how the hell do 5-6 year olds know about chugging?  I mean,  I know why mine does…******


    My optimism almost made me piss my pants. My daughters were laughing so hard while I rocked the fucking car doing the potty dance in the driver seat. Needless to say they’re all grounded for 20 minutes. Drinking water has sort of helped the “Felicia Syndrome”, but I still feel lethargic and now I gotta pee more on top of that.

    Doctors recommend you drink 8 glasses of water, others say ounces per pound…which is a lot of fucking water. I’m the type of person who thinks there is water in all the food you eat and there is some water intake.  I just couldn’t see myself drinking my weight in water, unless I can piss on trees like drunkards and dogs.
    I don’t think Texas has come that far yet.


    Moral of the story:
    Drink a shit load of water, wear pampers.

    Keep it thuggish, rugg….fuck I gotta pee