How I made whole30 my bitch

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Fuck you puffy taco, I’ll stick with my watermelon cup, bitch.

So it’s day 33 of my whole30, but I’m thinking I should call it whole60 because this mother fucker was easy.
I thought the hardest part was being on vacation with this shit. Seriously, I ate fruit cups, bunless burgers, chicharrons,turkey legs and bbq (sauce free) for 3 days straight.

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My moment of weakness came to possible turning point when I was at a booth for what seemed like my 20th fruit cup next to a brisket taco booth. My all time favorite taco was filled with brisket. With a slap to the tit, I sucked it up and ordered another bitch ass fruit cup.

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Do I miss waffles?  Fuck yes. Do I miss my chocolate thunder (pronounced thun-duh)? Shit yes! Do I miss the pain I started to get for no obvious reason? No. I pride myself in being a real bitch who pushes it to the limit. I like those “technically” Paleo things and eat the shit outta them. Once I started having a mini flare up I knew it was time for a reboot, I wasn’t ready to become my old bitch ass self.

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So telling the puffy taco lady to kiss my ass was warranted, because gangsters like myself don’t fuck around with my health. Unless its tequila. Which is a minor weakness, and I do mean minor. I don’t drink to begin with. I know, big shocker!  If I do, I don’t drink dos XX, I drink Patron, straight, or fresh grapefruit juice with Italian citrus soda…that shit is yummy!

Are you thinking about doing whole30 but you find yourself scared to?
Don’t be a bitch, it’s worth it. My pain went away and I’ve lost weight. Not sure how much, only because the scale is the devil, no seriously it is. Being whole30 isn’t as hard as you think…even on vacation.

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Best part of it all is that I’m in Texas, land of the best bbq ever! There is no debate to be made. Dry meat in smokers for hours? I’ll take all that shit please. Brisket, ribs, beef ribs…they thought I was crazy because I didn’t want the complimentary banana pudding for helping out the owner.  “Uhh no thanks,banana pudding is against my Paleo religion, boo!”

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Turkey legs galore in carnival town!!!!
When in doubt, eat turkey legs!
It’s difficult eating strict whole30 on vacation, especially with not knowing the ingredients of spices and such. Why worry yourself? Limiting yourself to the extreme on a vacation will just make you want to break your shit.
Just eat what you can recognize. Most restaurants have simple dishes like burgers, order dry bunless with the yummy extras on the side.

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Mexican restaurants usually have huevos rancheros which is over easy eggs with fresh salsa on top, with bacon and beans…I gave the beans to my husband. Barbacoa is also a staple, which is beef cheek meat (don’t be a bitch, it’s good as fuck). These simple menu choices can keep you compliant and away from a punk ass plate. Plate envy isn’t part of my nature, and being whole30 doesn’t make a difference.

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When everyone around you is chugging on beer and pina coladas check your hotel stash, they have awesome drinks and no boring ass water either, because your mouth needs a vacation from that shit from time to time.

All in all, whole30 was very rewarding and it didn’t ruin my vacation like I thought it would. Thank God I live in Texas, because I would of eaten pizza in a heart beat if I had been in New York. Good thing my kids wanted dominoes…

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Moral of the story:

You can allow a lifestyle change to fuck your shit up, or you can go with the flow while still keeping it whole30.

Keep it thuggish, ruggish and toned…even on vacation, bitches!,

Pamela Martha Focker

Vacation word count:7

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Whole30 day 2: fuck me running

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I’m going to make Whole30 my bitch best friend.

Being Paleo, you’d figure this would be simple, and it is, as far as eating goes. I’ve made my change months ago and wanting a double stuffed Oreo isn’t an issue. My issue seems to be fatigue, and the feeling of just overall shittiness.

The only thing I have changed in my diet is sugar, and Paleo approved sugar at that! Sugars such as: organic maple syrup, raw coconut nectar sugar, and honey. Now what gets me is, if all this shit is “paleo-approved” why do I feel like a straight up crack-head? Sweating and yawning like Felicia.

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It really makes me think about my choices for my Paleo treats in the future. Even though I can’t live without my chocolate thunder cake, limiting it to once in a while is okay.

Whole30 has shown me what I’m doing wrong in my life.

Moral of the story:
Everything in moderation is the way of a healthy life.
Unless you want to be like Felicia, and in that case, you CAN’T borrow my car.

Keep it thuggish, ruggish, and fuck this shit because I need a nap,

Felicia Pamela Martha Focker

Whole30 AND Crossfit wtf am I thinking?

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Holy shit balls Batman, I’ve done lost my ever loving mind!

So if you follow me on IG you know most of my food consists of “Paleo-ized” junk food. Now when I say Paleo junk food, it doesn’t mean it’s not Paleo. It just mean shit that looks and tastes like it’s not Paleo.  Cookies, banana bread, Chocolate Thunder cake, waffles…. yep all that isn’t Whole30 approved. Am I sad about it? No, and it’s because I haven’t been feeling up to par lately. I’ve lost my spunk, and I’m not sure if it’s me missing my Love Pickle who’s been in and out of town for the last month or the new sweeteners I’ve introduced to my body. I’d rather not say what those are (they’re Paleo), but not every body reacts the same. Mine just so happens to be acting like a major bitch is all… Sorry body… I ♥ you. So besides the Paleo junk, I’m good to go on this “thang” and make it my bitch.

Crossfit: definition of getting yo ass whooped, and I need it. Sweating isn’t to lose weight, (other than water weight) but its more releasing toxins in your body, which I need…obviously.
So Groupon accepted my challenge and I got a sweet ass deal that’s just a few minutes from my house. Am I scared? Fuck yes. Am I gonna kill it? Fuck yes Probably not, but its worth a try. I have a couple of cheerleaders already.

Moral of the story?

Get yo shit right! Nobody is going to tell you what you need to do, but your own body. So get right and tight… well in my case firm….ish.

Love you, bitches!♥

Keep it thuggish, ruggish, and toned
Pamela Martha Focker