WTF is Paleo?

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So, either you are Paleo, considering Paleo, just jocking my shit, or more recently here to troll. Either way, let me fill you in on what you need to know to succeed with this lifestyle change. I don’t consider Paleo as a diet, only because once you go Paleo, you get the shits once you go faileo. That’s the complete truth; Charmin should totally sponsor me if that ever happens.

Paleo is based on what our ancestors ate back in the days. Unfortunately that does not include your grandmother’s buttered biscuits with sausage gravy… but I wish it did. The cavemen lived off the land and sea: fish, meat, vegetables, fruit and an occasional cookie if the easy bake oven was cooperating. Now that you know what you can have, lets continue with the things you cannot have, get a notepad this is important “in-fo-ma-tion”.

· No dairy (cheese, milk, yogurt)

· No man made oils (vegetable, corn, peanut)

· No Legumes (peanuts, peas, anything that comes from a pod)

· No sugar (brown, refined, artificial, liquid)

· No grains (wheat, rye, etc. which means all bread)

Basically no bullshit. If it comes in a box, and you can’t pronounce the words, then it’s probably not good for you.

That is the basic run down of what Paleo is about, you can visit these sites for more information.

http://www.thepaleodiet.com

http://www.paleodietlifestyle.com/

Happy Hunting and Gathering Fuckers!

Disclaimer!!! I’m not a health professional and before changing anything, please consult your physician

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8 thoughts on “WTF is Paleo?

  1. um.. wtf did i just read.

    Whenever you change your diet drastically your digestive system reacts. If your definition of a diet means that if you go off it your digestive system doesn’t react, then you’re really in need of a dictionary and a book about human anatomy.

    Also who are your ancestors? Because mine ate dairy, grains, and legumes… are you from a different planet because that would be awesome.

    Do paleo people also not go to doctors, have jobs, drive cars or live in houses? Because the cavemen didn’t do any of these things either so they must be bad for you. Seriously? This is some crazy shit.

    • First of all…I’m not the one.
      I choose what type of lifestyle I want to live. Just as you choose to be a big ass douche bag and comment with your opinion. I have an autoimmune issue and your fucking Dairy, legumes and grain cause pain on me. So please save me the ” my ancestors didn’t eat like that” bullshit because I don’t give a shit.
      You came here for my opinion…I didn’t ask for yours.

      • Nah, your a moron. You apparently eat flour, which no cave man had the abilities to make before they were farming grains. And those potatoes were probably dried in an oven… That’s about as cave-man-like as this blog…

        I love hippies, and hate trolling, but couldn’t resist

        All food can be healthy if you don’t eat like a addict, lets enjoy the 21st century.

      • Nah, obviously YOU’RE the fucking moron here. What the fuck do you call this? You’re a fucking troll…and I don’t give a fuck what you think. Enjoy this 21st century the way you like,like I will. Go fuck yourself and your bag of Doritos, bitch I’m not the one.

  2. Clearly Ashley is a troll, who normally us paleo folks would eat since we live the EXACT lifestyle of our caveman ancestors, and they would eat anything, including trolls.

    Clearly Ashley understands that the concept of paleo should be taken completely literally. It’s not based around the principles of eating real food and avoiding those foods that are proven to harm our bodies because they were not designed to be consumed by humans. Oh no, this lifestyle is strictly about living our entire lives just as cavemen did. Which is why I live in a cave and have no friends (same as Ashley I am guessing, which is why she is so pissy).

    But I digress.

    Ashley – I would love to know how your ancient ancestors ate grains regularly before the agricultural revolution, but I see you chose not to explain that. And I would also love to know why you think drinking breast milk (AKA Dairy) from another mammal is a good idea. Would you go milk your neighbor’s breasts and add that to your coffee? Probably not. So why is a cow or a goat ok, when their breast milk was clearly never intended to be consumed by an infant or adult human? Sounds even stranger to me than milking another womans tits. Again you chose not to address that issue, so let’s move on. Legumes we could argue perhaps, except for the fact that they are notorious for giving people flatulence and other stomach issues, and us cave-folk generally don’t care for that sort of thing since we live in such confined spaces and gas makes for a hostile living environment.

    I would go on, but the wi-fi signal in my cave is pretty spotty, and I really have no idea how to use a laptop yet, so I will have to leave off here.

    Sincerely,

    Paleo Grok

  3. What “nice” replies from the author of this blog. Girl you’re fuckin’ insane I mean you fucking endorse crossfit LOL

  4. Wow. Why would haters even take the time to talk shit about a paleo diet page? I really doubt that bitches ancestors were eating legumes and dairy before fuckin farming and livestock was a thing. but hey I wasn’t there and obviously ashley was. GTFO

    wuteva h8rs gunna h8, keep on doin your thing girl

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