Turning 18+11 never felt so good

 

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You only turn 18 once,but in my case at least 15 times.

Ugh,for some odd reason, and I’m sure I’m not the only mother fucker to believe this, but I hate my birthday. I’m not sure if it all started when my mom had my 6th birthday at McDonald’s, and Ronald smelled of day old liquor and dingle berries. Not to mention,the mother fucker scared the hell outta me with all that lipstick. Looking back maybe it was because I knew what the fuck was really going on in those cheeseburgers. The hamburgular could take my shit any day… I actually liked his ass.

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So that was my birthday dinner last year, sirloin steak cooked medium, with a loaded sweet potato and a side salad. I had about 2 pina colodas with that shit too. It’s amazing how I can look back at the mistakes I’ve made with my health and love who I am now. I have started to fight for myself and for a good life.

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 I miss the hell outta bread,seriously these rolls were served with my steak, and I literally use to ask my husband to order some and pick them up,just because I felt like eating the fuckers. There comes a time in your life when you can say, why the fuck do I want this shit so much?

Why do you drink coke so much?

Why do you eat bullshit?

Its addiction,and the worst part is that unlike other addictions, you need food to survive, but you don’t need bullshit like you think you need.

There is a difference between “wants” and “needs” and yo ass don’t need that shit

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I was kind of tough to please this year, according to my husband,who slept on the couch after saying that shit. I didn’t want just any steak,it had to be the premium ass shit,none of all crap that’s always on sale. I was actually lucky because my jar of ghee from www.omghee.com arrived. My birthday steak was one of the best,if not the best, steaks I’ve ever had. Although I was picky this year,I know that my life just seems more precious than all the years before. Which seems weird because you’d figure that as someone young you would figure out what you should and shouldnt do. I guess I just wanted to do what I wanted, I was a stupid ass, and because of it I suffered.

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Remember where you came from when your birthday comes around,don’t give up a day to return to your old ways. It’s really not worth it. Some people like cheat days,I try not to,in fact there was only one day I did. I had diarrhea for days,and it was green. Blue dye does that shit to me…

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Now just to wait for WWW.PALEOCUPBOARD.COM to send me this watermelon cake, then I’ll be set till I turn 30..which is less than a year now..

Doesnt that mean im entitled to a male stripper or something?

I mean who doesn’t like buttnakedness?

Keep it thuggish,ruggish and toned,

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

Pamela Martha Focker

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Dear Grainfed cow, go fuck your mother.

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Wait, if it’s grassfed beef, does that mean the steak eats grass?

So this weekend has been a big ass experiment of grassfed and grainfed steaks of different sizes and cuts. It’s okay you can be jealous. I know I’d be crying like a little bitch.

So Friday evening, I got a little hair up my ass (#operationcavewoman) and decided to make a grassfed ribeye. > Meow < I've never been a ribeye gal – figured the shit was too marbled and tough for my liking, even cooked medium rare.

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Obviously, that shit was awesome cooked on medium heat on a flat top skillet for 3 minutes each side, and the tenderness was enough to make me lose my shit. It didn’t matter that the ribeye naturally has fatty chunks within it, because if yo ass doesn’t already know, grassfed beef has more of the good fat and provides more nutrients than a bald eagle’s egg or grainfed beef.

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Check that shit out! ↑↑↑ You’re not seeing things. Grassfed beef has less total fat than punk ass chicken. Which boggles my fucking brain. Why are we told beef is so bad?!
Grainfed beef is bad, but grassfed isn’t, bitches.

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That’s about all the info you need in makes a choice between the two, scientifically speaking anyways.

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So my jealous ass husband wanted steak and eggs the next morning, and being the awesome wife I am… I told him he can cook the shit. He’s awesome with the spices and keeping it 100% bullshit free. Well I fucked that shit up too… Nevermind the fact that it was strip steak, the fucker was on point.

Last night my husband wanted to see that bullshit ass fight and wanted to cook steak and shrimp on the pit. Being the fucking scientifical motha fucka I am I thought I’d try the $2.77/lb sirloin steak on sale. Which is by far my most favorite cut.

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The steak ended up probably being a bigger let down than the bitch ass fight. They were cooked just under medium rare – I mean the fuckers were still kicking on the plate. The taste was very good, and I mean tasty as fuck, but then again my husband is good about that. I swear he rubs the bitches on his balls for the flavoring.

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Needless to say the meat was tough as my callused feet after black Friday. I ate the shit, barely, but I had to slice it so thin. My husband, who thinks the grassfed thing is bullshit (motha fucka still eats my shit though), thought the grassfed was much more tender.

So that’s the run down of grassfed and grainfed beef. One costs more, the other requires more chewing and you shouldn’t consume it often, or your ass will be big as a cow with mad cow disease… and that’s not cool.

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Dear grassfed beef, get in mah belleh. Grainfed beef, go fuck your mother.

Keep it thuggish, ruggish, and toned,

Pamela Martha Focker

Hunt and gather on a budget

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My butcher sees into the window to my soul… of my stomach

I’ve become accustomed to greeting my butcher guys – hell one calls me Momma and my love pickle Poppa. I know he’s just being friendly, and if I didn’t gain cheap meat because of his friendliness, I’d think he’s a complete asshole because I’m not that old. Fuck it. I get half priced meats 75% of the time, call me whatever you like. So when I go into HEB I look at expiration dates for two reasons. Here’s reason number one:

The store loses money when food goes out of date and marking stuff down gets product out before the sell by date.

Usually people don’t like expensive organic meats, so there is always tons of mark downs waiting for me. The best time to look for markdowns varies. It depends on sales. They don’t markdown on the new sale days, so in HEB’s case, Wednesday. It doesn’t really pertain to me because the butchers hold marked down meat for me… 🙂

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So today’s trip was awesome as fuck. 7 steaks, original price $57.30 total, sale price $28.38! That’s a savings of $28.92! $28.38 couldn’t pay for a grassfed ribeye anywhere, but I got 5 ribeyes and 2 stip steaks. $4.05 per steak?! I lost my shit in the middle of the meat department.
I do this often, in fact too often, other employees are bitter that I snagged meat for cheap while they are working… I feel bad don’t give a shit.

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I have a freezer full of fucking awesomeness, and you can be jealous as fuck. I know I would be.

Second reason I look at expiration dates:

At HEB stores they have a policy in effect stating the following:
HEB guarantees quality and freshness in our product, if you are not satisfied or the product isn’t fresh (expired) you get the same exact item for free.

Now I used to bombard the fuck out of HEB with finding expired stuff, especially high quality meat. People don’t want to pay $40-$50 for an organic brisket so it expires, I find it… I get a fresh one for free. Today I wasn’t looking for any expired items, but found organic sugar snap peas and I got them bitches for free.
If you have questions about this policy you can call or email corporate.

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My meal prep for this week is roughly $2.10 per meal… Subway can go fuck themselves.

Moral of the story?
All stores have a way for you to find some good deals… just figure the shit out. Paleo and whole30 isn’t expensive if you work the deals and sales.

Keep it thuggish, ruggish, and cheapish.

Pamela Martha Focker